I woke up this morning with some pretty intense anxiety. Not the worst I ever felt, but enough to cancel a patient and request my on-call job to make some modifications for me. I am grateful to have a supportive team and meds in this situation. It was also likely exacerbated somewhat to not sleeping well last night. So, I didn’t put everything on hold but took it easier today and reminding myself that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. I’m also dog/housesitting and the house comes with a hot tub to help with the relaxation aspect. Truly, insurance companies should pay for people to have these and I’m pretty positive there would be less aches and pains as well as some improvement in somatic issues. Since my theory is only just a theory and I can’t quote any stats to support that, we'll call it a hunch.
To quote The Shirelles, “Mama said there’d be days like this.”
Keep doing your best. As sure as I am about having the surgery, I knew some big feelings would surface and today is just one of those days. The fear of coming out of anesthesia and being violently ill is the biggest one. There is also the unknown of how my body will change- for good and perhaps not so good- but at least I have treated MANY post-hysterectomy patients so I have a better idea than most. Not working for up to 6 weeks is the longest I've gone since graduating from PT school, so taking care of myself instead of others for that long of a period of time is new for me. I'm taking care and hope you all are, too. I have received so many sweet and supportive messages and please know those help.
PS- we really should petition for hot tubs for every household!